first day back at work after the stupid silly boring 4days of cny leave. )=

when i came back i totally dun have the cny mood, sorta forgot its still cny.

so when ms tan and henry came to PPC to talk, i forgot to wish her happy new yr!!!

while i was serving them their drinks...

ms tan: aye! 你没有跟我拜年 ah!

me (shocked): 对 hor! 恭喜发财！新年快乐！

ms tan: so whats your wishes for this yr?

me (stunned): ehh..... *thinking very hard ok*

ms tan: 要结婚？

me: huh? NO LA!

ms tan: then? 早生贵子 ah?

me: HAIYO! 没有啦！

henry then cut in... *roll my eyes*

henry: no la, she wish her hair will grow more "KIM".

stupid henry. -_-"

anyway, im going for a haircut later. my hair suddenly became so messy and long. i want short bangs! and i wanna dye my hair black black like chinadoll. but my face is so round like a ham chee peng. )=

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anyway girls. my denyer sent his love to you...*whooooosh!*

eh im starting not to feel hungry anymore again.

for the past few days, i only had one meal per day. i seriously got no appetite! hai.

pls dun tell me im back to those days again.

yes, on the outside im perfectly fine and okay. i laugh and joke like the old me.

well, i have to be.. but inside me, i know im back to that time.

i cried inside me everyday. i feel like a mad woman sometimes.

and i feel like dying once again.

sob sob sob. who can help me?

Sian..

Tml need to start work already.

I shouldnt have take 4days of leave for the new year lo. Just stay at home nothing to do. Waste my time and leave. Hai.

Anyway, I hope there'll be good news for me in mid Feb. ;p

ps. I bought 'Tuesdays with Morrie' yesterday. Seriously, I cant rem when is the last time I really bought a book to read. Dun mention Sans bookshop la, I only rent from them nia. I think Im going to buy more books to occupy my time already. I wanna buy a bookshelf!

I made up my mind. Im going to strive for my career from now on. I wanna earn big bucks. Dun want to dwell on unhappy relationships anymore. Im so tired already. I hope I can go on. Wish me luck!!!

<It's amazing how you can speak right to my heart
Without saying a word, you can light up the dark
Try as I may I can never explain
What I hear when you don't say a thing

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all

All day long I can hear people talking out loud
But when you hold me near, you drown out the crowd (the crowd)
Try as they may they could never define
What's been said between your heart and mine

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all

The smile on your face lets me know that you need me
There's a truth in your eyes saying you'll never leave me
The touch of your hand says you'll catch me whenever I fall
You say it best.. when you say nothing at all

(You say it best when you say nothing at all
You say it best when you say nothing at all..)

The smile on your face
The truth in your eyes
The touch of your hand
Let's me know that you need me.. >

here i am,
at auntie house,

listening to class95 and this song came to air.
just ate my 1st meal of the day.
maybe later drinking with them.

i had been rotting the whole day.
moodless and upset.
my thoughts ran wild.
today is only the 2nd day of cny,
and im already feeling the gloominess and bleak-ness of 2009.
hai.

i dunno what happened but i slept with my contact lenses on yesterday night! -_-"

din even realised it till this morning,

when i put on my glasses.

i was like.. 'WHOO! SO BLUR'

hahaha.

luckily my eyes din got swollen or anything.

just abit pain though. )=

Just when CNY is coming..

my pimples have to all pop put from nowhere,

and my fingers are still continuing to rot!

its so painful, i think after cny i got to go visit him again.

give me stronger medication pleaseee!

my left finger is starting to get infected too.

HAI.

went to did my nails yest.

and guess what!

e colour on my right toe came off when i was in chinatown w bin! *how nice*

and so i was damn super upset, *my heart immediately dropped down to the floor when i saw the nail polish came off*

i went to buy a phone to make myself happy.

*tada! Samsung F480.

yes yes, i bought pink and even the leather pouch that comes with it is pink! hehehe!

anyway im still trying to figure out how to use the stupid phone la, cause its touchscreen u see. hahaha, im abit suaku la. well, everybody has got its first time!

mum made a 'teh gia' for chloe.

teh gia = a mini small pillow filled with beans inside for babies to sleep well. purpose is to teh the gia (suppress the fear and keep all the nightmares and monsters away).

since chloe is not out yet, she asked me if i wanna sleep with it first, so that the 'teh gia' will have my smell and chloe will listen to me next time! hahaha!

but the 'teh gia' doesnt seem to have any effects on me!! )=

i still have nightmares and monsters coming after me everynight.

it didnt helped me in my fears and insecurity and stuffs.

IT LIED!!! SOBS SOBS

tired.

those times came again.

whereby i cant sleep well..

or if im able to sleep, i'll get nightmares.

and my mind is full of messy tots once more.

that i have to keep praying to make me feel better.

fuck, i hate this feeling! sobs.

好烦哦。

我爱的人，不理睬我。。

爱我的人，我又不理睬他。。

唯一我能说的是，你从来都不是一个过路者。

我们更不是海鸟跟鱼。

我该走了。

以免事情变得更加难堪。

这样已经足够了。

再见！ (=

better off alone.

You were there for summer dreamin',

And you gave me what I need.

And I hope you'll find your freedom,

For eternity, for eternity.

oh fuck.

why is everything going the wrong way? )=

i guess when im at work later, kent's gonna talk to me.

and tt praying mentis just talked to me few days ago.

seriously i dun understand,

are you all really concerned abt me? or just afraid that it might affect my performance.

dun worry, i'll still do my work carefully and smile and interact with guests no matter how bad im feeling.

and of course! i wun talked to you abt my problems.

you cant help. or shud i say nobody can help.

so whats the use of saying?

and the mistake has already been done, then whats the point?

suddenly just feel that there's nobody i can trust.

the ones that i can, ive broke their hearts.

so im left all alone now.

happily.

okay, goodbye.

did i make the correct choice?

then why am i feeling this way now?

i hate being abandoned,

but why am i doing this to you?

i want to stop crying.

i want to go away.

was it me or not?

everybody around me seems to be saying..

'what happened to her? why is she like getting sian and more sian with each passing day? can no longer see that cheerful character in her anymore.'

i dunno. pls dun ask me why.

thats just the way i am.

i promised ryan i'll not shed any more tears in 2009.

and i broke my promise yesterday night - 4th Jan 2009.

i hate myself for all these.

the thing that ive feared all along

came true.

and i really had did my best to minimise the hurt inflicted.

but ultimately, i still hurt you.

im really sorry.

theres nothing i can do or say but to apologise.

im sorry this have to be the way to start your new year.

im sorry for making your nightmare came true.

im sorry you have to go through all these shits again.

im sorry im sorry im really sorry.

i felt so dumb and silly.

why do i have to cry and whine yesterday?

*nods my head vigorously*

must be the effect of alcohol. i swear it wasnt me yesterday night.

im sorry that i scared you. hahaha. you're so funny! WHY ARE YOU SCARED?

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im caught in a dilemma.

or am i thinking too much?

and yet again..!

my ring is lost again! (yes again. -_-")

i couldnt stop laughing at my own silly-ness.

)=

"he asked me : do you want to be a butler for the rest of your life?

me: no, i dont want to carry a tray forever."

i feel so handicapped. i dunno what other industries can i do.

just dun like all those 9-5 office jobs, whereby everything is so stagnant, and all you get in that small office is a small cubicle to yourself plus lots of office politics.

and for a fact, i cant do sales. seriously i cant convince ppl la, and im not good in flattery as well. haha, i find it so fake can.

actually i do have a teeny bit of interest in mkting or events coordinator. i want to have those sense of achievements and satisfaction whenever a job is done. erm, this is something that my current job doesnt allow me to have.

other than that, i think i shud stick to hospitality industry la. i cracked my head and i think i still love this industry. but how? i dun wanna be a butler still when im 25yrs old. sobs.

exactly 14more days to cameron.

(=

i want to pluck strawberries, watch the sunrise with jing, snuggle in our bed and indulge in steaming hotpots in the cold weatherrr.

it will be just the 2 of us. so nice.

i will just buy strawberries back for you all ok? specially plucked by aza. (if we can managed to bring back the strawberries la)
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dinner with the peeps on tues night.

had not-so-nice swensens, follow by taohuey and chilling by the roadside.

its been quite some time since we got together. everyone has all got their commitments, especially the guys. )=

liangze insists that this pic is the same as the 1st one.

(no, the angles are different!)

i purposely cropped off my face part because they were too ugly.

prettys - yanz & fel

my ah-choo baby & her sotong honey

isky & gf pris. kian2 and lz.

the part of tb55 that got me thru yr3. (=