why cant you believe me when i said ive quitted smoking?

i just feel sad to know that

thats the amount of trust you have for me

after all these time being together.

its okay...

im starting to be dependent on ppl again.

and i dun like this feeling one bit.

im supposed to be alone & independent.

i dun wan ppl to be there for me,

cuz i dun wan any disappointments.

i cant afford to have anymore disappointments,

or should i say.

i have my reasons for holding back.

and its hard to tell you. i dunno why.

the things that can never be achieved in life,

are often those that you treasure the most.

but..

ure something i wanna have.

timbre last night was goodie goodie.

all i can say was..

good music, good place

and best of all,

good company. (=

oh yes, i shant forget to mention,

yummy thin crust pizza!

the only bad thing is they turn soft like taco after some time, left untouched.

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me & jing were so lonely and listless,

we decided to have a mini bbq at my place on xmas.

sy & am (yx, if you happen to be here),

are you fweee?

thou i had a feeling that in the end,

it will only be me & jing. sighs.

hai, its so sad to see

that towards the end of the yr,

theres economy crisis,

chaos in bkk & mumbai.

are there anymore to come?

cant we just end this year peacefully?

*world peace*

is that sth so hard to achieve?

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on a happy note,

im quite glad that this yr is going to end soon.

hadnt had a good yr.

slowly, the broken pieces are being picked up, and fixed.

time heals.

but the scar remains.

Lalala.

So happy these few days.

There's so many sales going on nowadays.

Im dying of sale-ism.

Charles & Keith,

Expo John Little,

Coach Preview.

And i just went to Bobbi Brown's & Lo'real!

Oh my oh my.

I need cash plsss.

mutton makes me sick.

)=

was at the airport fetching the smallies yesterday.

feel good to see them back again. at last, its not just me and jing anymore. (=

i cant explain how im feeling.

its happy yet inexplicable.

perhaps, its just the wrong timing ba.

hai, sian.

i had a good time yesterday.

was fun, relaxing and happy, feelings that ive nv felt for so long.

though i was tired, but after work ive transferred to another person! whooo ooo!

and i like it.

flight's touching down soon in another 5more hours!

cant wait to see you my dears!

lotsa catching ups to do. i'll go hunt for good places. i volunteer!

i always nv fail to drop a tear or 2 whenever i went to her blog.

thou its the 2nd time im reading, the feeling is still so strong.

someone with no fakeness.

someone who dun like to pretend just to win someone's heart.

someone who's been thru so much, so much harder than me, yet nv fails to comfort me.

someone who always scolds, but actually deep down, she cares.

someone who always will be there for me, when my slight depression starts.

someone who will always lend me her clothes because she knows im always wearing the same tops and bottoms!

someone who dun wan me to add her in the links cuz she dun want to be tracked down by unknown ppl reading her blog.

someone who will be going CH with me in Jan.

i love you, friendly tiger.

p/s. even thou i always ask u to go die together, i actually feared the day when u'll leave before me.

i was so upset just now i teared in the train while on the way to work.

upset not just because of my own usual problem, but because i tot of so many things, how selfish i am, how dependent or how weak i was.

and also, i tot of my friends and cutie.

thou seriously i still dunno what exactly happened, but i always tot our friendship was very strong. and all the more so, when i know both of you will be going overseas to study. i tot the bond will be even stronger. shall we at least talk it out pls? it seems that only both of us in spore treasure and care abt this friendship. why are both of you over there giving up? hai.

and you. stop doing silly things to harm yourself. i really dunno what / how to say to you. it aint gonna help anything or improve the situation if you keep going like this. maybe to you, its a solution, but i tell you. its only a temporary solution. you're just running away from everything. so why not just think over what you really want in your heart, and follow it! i know actions speaks louder than words. if its me, i cant do it instantly too. but trust me, i believe you can do it. prove it to me. if it fails, move on again. we are still young. the pain of losing is overwhelming, but we got to find sth else thats even more worth it for us, right? i love you cute.

from a non-smoker who hated the smell of smoking.. (i rem whenever he smokes, i'll always ask him to stop and shoo away all the foul air blown to me),

to a smoker 2months ago.. (to occupy my breaktime at work when i'll go on strike and hide in carparks and just puff my time and loneliness away),

and now, back to a non-smoker again. (the frequent drinking, smoking and puking sessions really affected me. yes i wanted to die, but not in this way thou. i know u'll hate me when u see me like this.)

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what i got to do to make you love me

what i got to do to make you care

what do i do when lightning strikes me

and i wake to find that you're not there

fri night after yoga was spent with cutie. went down to BQ qool bar.

i rem the first time we were there was on xmas eve, dunno how many yrs ago. (when jarrel & chu was in the picture still.) hehheh. oh yes, we even had our pictures taken and developed. (oh yes, my hair was in an ugly state, i still rem.)

2of us just went in and ordered a bucket of hoegaarden without thinking whether we can finish it up anot. LOL. hahha, and of course we didnt. gave away 2bottles to jav and his friend. and yeah, we made 2friends again tt night. (=

p/s. well cute. indeed what u told me has greatly shocked me. was surprised, but then again, i guess all men on earth are like tt. though there will be some who are not, but well... HAI. what to do. stop crying alone anymore. im your companion always. cuz we both know how it feels like to be alone in tt house full of relatives on cny. (=

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u know there's this 'chinaboy' in my workplace, who looks like derek he weijian and zhang jingxuan. uve got a common face ok? so dun deny anymore. =D

he looks abit like chu thou. the build, the height, the voice and even sometimes the way he sms. chu, you've a twin brother!

i dun want periodic friendships.

i dun want periodic relationships.

dun tell me nth in this world last forever.

dear santa, i promise to be good. pleaseee. )=

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had my basic theory test today. i passed. =D
too bad u were not there to share my happiness. hai

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finally sent my resume to BA. *fingers crossed* they will be conducting interviews in dec and jan thou. really really hope to get in.

oh FUCK IT!