I guess our pact to remain special doesnt exist anymore..

Maybe like what cute says, I should stop contacting him. Perhaps he'll feel better this way.

Aite, what can I do? I dun wanna be a nuisance.

Its always so hard to say goodbye.

To the one who brought you up,

to the one who loved you,

to the one whom you love,

to the one who created so many memories between the 2 of you.

Goodbye, to the ones I'll dearly miss..

Ryan, my reception scandal.

Jon Loh, e one whom I told 'smoking is a form of lung exercise'.

Naren, the really underpaid GSO.

Ranjit, my forever best GSM.

Kent, the forever sarcastic FOM.

Kripa, my best soulmate in the disastrous working life upstairs.

Marco, my forever talk-cock-wanna-eat-my-tofu moley friend.

Jason, the minibar guy.

Ms A. Tan, the one who gave me the opportunity to be who I am today.

And last of all...

my metal boy who stood by me always without fail when I fall deeply.

Okok, I know its not my last day yet and I sounded so emo already. Hai, seriously la, I cant bear to leave. BUT I got to move on and I need to.

I dunno if we will ever cross the same paths again, but I do believe the world is round.

Bad mood. )=

My hair & scalp feels so oily at the end of the day that I think it can fry an egg.

My face feels like a sandpaper no matter how much I scrub it.

My fingers feels so itchy and rough I dun think they'll ever heal.

My backache is back again but Im loving it.

My body as usual feels dry even though Ive already applied the whole bottle of body lotion.

My bank account is empty now, for both the accounts mine you.

And now for the worst one.

I STILL OWE MONEY. For my debts, for my bills, for my education loan, for driving..

Oh no, Im in deep shit now. Sighs

Its the eve of my birthday but I aint feeling any excitment or happiness abt the supposed-to-be-joyous occasion. I guess the extreme moodswings are getting into me and Im really suffering from it. Like just now I can just lie on bed, i sing to myself while listening to mp3 played from my phone, my tears just rolled down for no reason. I feel upset for no reason. I see the person I wished to see most yet Ive got no feeling of joy. My heartbeat or rather my life feels like a straight line, like as though they're dead. And I feel like a dead person walking around Singapore. Why have I become so depressed all of a sudden? Its not like as if sth bad had happened to me or Im going through a rough patch. NO, NOTHING HAPPENED TO ME AT ALL. And why the sudden change of emotions? I DUNNO. =.(

I haven been in the best of mood lately, counted that my bday is nearing. Seriously I have no idea why. And the feeling sucks, TOTALLY. Especially in the morning when you wake up with all those negative feelings and in a total get-off-my-back bad mood. You really feel like hanging yourself on the spot. Worse thing is, you still need to get up and continue your life as usual. This is FUCK MAN!

I guess theres really sth thats bothering me, and its so much ok. But its just that I choose to ignore it and hope the problem will go away. I feel like a ostrich. Dammit. But then again, the knot inside can never be untied and I know that, thats why I didnt make any effort to try to solve the problem. Argh, fuck la! Sobs.. )=

Hmm, how do I start this entry..

I guess I need to clarify the trip to bkk was not planned in advance. I have friends asking to go phuket and redang. But leave was not able to confirmed as my colleague resigned. (I think I mentioned it in my previous entry before) Well, at that point of time when I said that my leave was not approved, I really mean it. It wasnt some excuses or what nor. And it so happened last min that the management wanted me to clear leave, so we just plan bkk at the very last min. Ticket was just booked 1wk before. So yah. To the ones who wanted to go redang or phuket with me initially, Im sorry. Hope you'll understand.

Perhaps I should have been more tactful in my way of handling things or people or relationships. Hmmm, but the damage has already been done. And I know there's no way it can be undone. Well, cheers to the past, the history between us. Im glad at least theres some memories left untouched.

I asked. Once a crack is there, it will always be there right? How about if I put alot of plasters over and over it? Will the crack be concealed nicely or will it stand out in the crowd more?

I think the same goes to kinships, relationships, friendships or whatever kind. Once there is a scar, it cant be erased off easily. I experienced all scars in the 3 categories.

Recently I think alot on kinship. Will the efforts that we're putting in pay off? Will the incident really be erased off from our minds? Im sorry to say but I cant. I recalled the times when she 'abandoned' us *or shud it be the other way round*. I thought about the times we tried to salvage this tiny lil friendship of ours. Well, in the end, not much use leh. Pls dun get it wrong, Im not upset or regretting that I lost this friend. On the other hand, I was quite glad to see through how fragile human relationships can be.

The main thing is, I am very affected to see her very close to one of a person very close to me. *NOW WHAT IS THIS?* Am I transparent or what? And I cant comment much on this *kinky* relationship as ppl have the rights to choose who they wanna mix around with right?

So all I can do, is just to keep my mouth shut, pretending like nothing happened and gossip behind with my bud *snlylly* on earth. (=

Of course I shall not elaborate on relationships cause I feel its something that everyone on this damn earth will go through. Everyone knows, so I shall shuddup!

The frequent headaches are getting into me.

And today I slept for a good whole 14hrs, waking up NOT feeling any energetic at all. Instead I woke up with a terrible headspin (which Ive been getting recently), neck and shoulder ache, and diarrhoea. -_-'' Feeling damn weak I have totally no idea why.

Had a terrible nightmare too. I guess the recent incidents are getting into me too. Thats why for the nightmare. ARgh!!

Anyway, birthday list is out....

- Dressing table

- Hairdryer

- Jewelleries stand

- Fake eyelashes applicators

- A set of makeup brushes would be good too (though I would seldom use it)

- Corn plasters (yesss, I got corns on my feet. so sickeningly pain can)

- Dior Addict 2 Perfume

- A dozen of stockings (dark in colour pls. lol!)

- A water bottle

- Some DIY stuffs with sincerity would be good.

Am not into branded stuffs, but I wouldnt reject if theres any. (=

Here's the litmus test - if it will upset the other party when they find out, I think it's considered cheating. So if you have to hide it, you shouldn't do it.

Bravos to the one who said this.

Caught The Ramen Girl over the long weekend. Not a bad show I would say, but quite an abrupt ending. The 'shifu' was hilarious, with the both of them speaking different languages and not understanding each other.

Personally I find some parts rather touching. Like the way Abby talk about her distorted life and whatnots.

Can give it a catch if you've got nothing to do. (=

I wanna watch Night at the Museum 2 too!

Just a comedy to brighten up my upset life.

My birthday wish is out.!

....I wanna vanish from this place and get away....

Oooh, I hate my life and the ppl around me.