lets imagine a scene..

a couple dining (okay, its just casual dining, NOT FINE DINING AT A POSH RESTAURANT OR WHAT. i just cant find a good picture online.)

who would you think will be doing most of the talking?

the woman right.! the guy will just listen and listen and reply a few 'yahs' or 'uhhmm'. unless its a topic hes really interested in.

THATS WHY, i treasure guys who talk. TALK as in talk sensibly, with sense of humor.

why cant guys just speak up abt their feelings, thoughts blah blah. just like us, who can just blabber on and on for 1hr telling them abt our feelings, how we hope we can improve the r/s or whatever that comes into our mind? is it so hard to communicate with us? or just plain lazy?

ultimately, in the end. the ans we get is .... dun think too much lah. im just tired. PERIOD! -_-'' so much for nothing.

THANKS

thanks thanks.

all of a sudden, even yilin, always pretty pri sch buddy, came and read my blog, much to my surprise! (=

much appreciated all.

i'll be fine - its just a passing phase i hope. (but how come its always coming back?!) sobs sobs.

i know everybody feel this way, somewhr during their growing-up. im just blogging because ive no one to talk to. or maybe i feel more comfortable blogging rather than talking to ppl, when i'll start tearing and making the whole conversation / situation helpless. (get what i mean?)

thanks, to yilin, dawson, whoever has left me a comment or msg.

lovess.

i'll be changing my blog address soon.

www.aza-leas.blogspot.com

w.e.f i dunno when.

pls note.//

stressed.

the things ive done, always make the ppl ard suffer or unhappy. )=

did not went to send sy off - shes disappointed

rejected the job offer at the v last min when things are almost finalised - agent & co super unhappy, thinks that im irresponsible

posted up a pic which i shudnt have taken in the 1st place - eds angry & upset that he dun wanna talk to me

WHY am i always doing things that end up hurting ppl? WHY am i, already 21, still so irresponsible and living each day as it is, with no goals and nothing? WHY am i always comparing myself with other ppl and end up making myself unhappy & inferior? WHY am i always regretting what ive done or not done?

i feel so angry with myself for being like this. i hate myself. wheres all my dreams gone to? why do i wake up one day, full of suicidal thoughts in my mind, with no meaning in life anymore?

why cant i be like am or sy who are pursuing their dreams overseas? or why cant i be like yx? why cant i be like serene? or yilin, or jess or whoever is successful? why am i thinking of all these? what the hell is wrong with me? sobs sobs.

i apologise if my previous entry abt staying together with in-laws is abit harsh. (din know u read my blog too! ;p)

but u will nv understand how i feel, neither will i understand ur position. so lets not argue because of this silly matter again, cuz nobody knows whats going to happen few years down the road!

maybe the property prices will start to plunge? we will be able to buy 2units! =)

maybe we work hard and get paid well? we will be able to afford something good!

maybe we broke off halfway even before we could ROM? (choy choy!)

or maybe we (oops, i mean me) cant even live that long? (double double choy!)

so lets just be lovey dovey everyday. heck care all those problems that may arise lah! seriously, i cant be bothered anymore. (i know u feel it this way too.)

loves edwin.

managed to catch this movie finally after so long.

hmm, was prepared for those crying scenes, but hey! not so much leh! only that scene where SOCKS died. saddened. cant imagine the day when Bambi dies. boohoo!

the whole show lasted for 2hrs man! gosh, i was like moving here and there in my seat throughout. so damn uncomfortable. i dislike longgg moviess.

i was going to blog more, but i just received a fright! SOBS SOBS.

theres this i-dunno-from-where guest (looks like indian, but is fair types) coming in to business centre. asked abt internet and stuffs, then start to chat me up. AND THEN HE SAID HE WANTED TO KISS ME ON MY CHEEKS!! i rejected but he kept coming closer and closer and even proceed to hold my hands. GOSH! im so terrified till i wanna urine out okay! AND U KNOW THE STUPID BUSINESS CENTRE IS SO ISOLATED IN ONE CORNER THAT EVEN IF U DIE INSIDE, U WILL ONLY BE DISCOVERED ONE DAY LATER.

god, this is a dangerous hotel..

ive always fantasized having the perfect wedding.

the nice and elegant gowns, the perfect hotel for wedding dinner, the oh-so-nice! photoshoots.

BUT reality is soo sooo different from my fantasy. (I KNOW! -_-'')

its not like im getting married soon or what, but at this stage of life & r/s, naturally marriage will become part of our topic sometimes. WELL, then come all the arguments and disagreements.

what ive always wanted, he may think its not necessary.

all these doesnt matter.. theres still room for negotiation.

ONE THING. im definitely not going to move in and stay together with my in-laws. THAT IS A DEFINITE NO-NO. i dun care if wedding is going to be delayed cuz of this or what. KILL ME IF WE ARE GOING TO STAY TOGETHER. i want to live alone OKAY!

sobs im so down today.

i woke up today, feeling fucking tired.

dragged myself out of bed, and had a not-v-nice laksa.

went to work and had a 'meeting' with my FOM. (of cuz its not just me alone with him, I'LL DIE! its the whole PPC team lah). i hate this kind of 'meeting' lo!

after the 'meeting', its either u will come out feeling very motivated to work hard, or vice versa, u'll feel damn demoralised. and this is how i feel (the latter option) today after the 'meeting'. FOR THE REST OF THE DAY. HOW NICE! -_-''

i feel im back to the old road again.

the road which was dark, curvy (how do i describe roads which are not straight?) and full of stones along the way, causing me to fall again and again.

I NEED A LIFE.

u know, when alot of your good friends, that you've made during different phases of your life, come together..

it doesnt really matter already, who come and who did not. theres no such things like, 'hey, how come who & who didnt come'. u wouldnt care already, by then..

hmm, i super love this song from young. (=

i think next time the finale for my wedding, i will put this song.

DUN U THINK ITS SO NICEEEE...

it feels so good to have sy back. it will be even better to have am back as well.
it will came as a surprise + double shock when i saw sy last week. was supposed to meet jing & yx for chilling, then suddenly i saw sy happily walking towards my direction. LOL. both of us just stood there, with our mouths open, so big i think the flies can just settle comfortably inside. hehe!

just finish the TAM TAM that sy bought for my breakfast. i still prefer to call it TAM TAM, TIM TAM sounds so weird! yes! sy and am bought me a smurfs tee.....! yeah yeah. so nice i like! thank you darlings. (=

i do have to admit that my dear smallie sy has changed abit when she's back from aust. for the better i mean. more independent, more daring. not the old sy anymore. HAPPY FOR YOU. and amily! i want to try your cookings! cant waittt.!



cheers to our friendship! (its very difficult to find a nice pic with all of us inside leh!)