Its finally time?

Time to let go? 

I know la, I shouldnt be selfish, since he has found his happiness. But still cannot hide my sadness when I saw that picture. Like suddenly kena shaken awake. Okok, I know Im the one who gave up, so cannot blame anyone but me. But the one who gave up first doesnt mean the love is not there anymore mah. 

Super sad but have to feel happy for him like how he feel happy for me that time. Afterall, no turning back what. We have all made our choices, haven we? 

Was it a one-sided thing all the time that I wanted to contact? Ok la, I know Ive asked alot of times about this question and all the time the answer is no. But how nice if I can be reassured at times like now. Though I know its not my business anymore and he has no obligations to care at all, let alone reassurance. RIGHT?

He's the kind who stays v faithful. 好好男人, thats how I always describe him. Till now, impression still remains. 

Sometimes I wonder if its wrong to give him up for uncle low. I know for sure he can be there for me when I need him,  I know he will be caring towards me though sometimes he does has his 臭脾气. And I know he will love me for as long as we are together. But since I said until so nice about him, why did I give him up in the first place then?

Ive never really shared this story, maybe with just one or two bestest friends.

You know sometimes when you wanted something so badly, you couldnt get it? And then something else came along, and you think, "eh also not bad ley!" 

Not that I am substituting or using him. But at that point of time, it really helps if you have someone to fall back on. And I did told him beforehand, I cant forget uncle low yet. He was patient with me. He stood by me. And I think I fell in love with him bit by bit. It was short, but we had it all in one relationship. We had romantic times by the beach, we had happy times just hanging around, we had sour times when his temper was bad and I was stubborn and we had shy times when we would email each other about our feelings when we couldnt talk it out. I love how he would always kissed me when we are on the escalator. (Yah I know very kiddish but I dont care) and how he would always cuddle me. 

I know Im sucha bitch, we were not even really together at that point of time. Cause all along I was waiting for uncle low. I keep thinking that he will be back for me. Eventually he really came back for me, and I left him. I KNOW la I am such a bitch. 

人人往往都是要失去才会懂得珍惜。失去了才知道。

Im not saying I am regretting being with uncle low now. I love uncle low too. But sometimes you just will stop and think, if things were different now, would I be much happier? 

Anyway hor, whats over is over. Ive moved on, and he has moved on also. I just hoped those promises we made are still in place. Priorities changed, as long as we are not forgotten, Im contented. 

Blessings to you. xoxo Metal Boy

Color color colors

Whee, last post was 2 months ago! Anyway, Ive been dying to color my hair like this:

Even hubby xiaozhu also having this kind of coloring + my all time fave leopard prints! :)  ♥

 

So purple or red? or pink? Isit nice?

Seriously cant wait for 舞极限 to come to SG! Gonna be nice I know. You nv fail to disappoint!

Yet another one taken away

I never thought my next entry after my previous post was another death news of my dear friend, Razi. 

Razi, the cheeky guy whom I got to know in Marina Mandarin. Being the youngest in Concierge team, he was keen in learning and always being pampered by everyone. 

I didnt get a chance to really work and talk with him till I was down at the reception for 1 month. We became quite close and started making fun at each other whenever we see other. Soon after, he left the hotel for his NS. 

I am not sure when did he leave for Brunei training, guess it should be late last year cause he couldnt make it when I invited him to my wedding last December. But I remembered promising that I will attend his wedding with Iffah. 

It came as a shock that Sunday evening when ahpiao texted me about his missing news. My first reaction was "Not him la!!" I didnt know his full name. And maybe a part of me was in denial state as well till ahpiao app me his photo in his army uniform showing his full name. That moment was the beginning of a 2-day ordeal. I prayed and wished hard that he will be saved, and that he would be alright, coming back to celebrate Hari Raya with all his loved ones. 

No, it didnt came true. The next morning when I woke, news of him missing has already spread like fire. All of the MM colleagues started praying and hoping for the best. I keep telling myself no news is good news. But by the end of the day, I could no longer hold on to the hope anymore. It has been more than 24 hours. How could anyone have survived in the river, with crocodiles threats some more, for close to 36 hours? If he had been swept to shores, I am sure the rescue team would have found him. I was prepared for the worst. Part of me wished that he wasnt eaten by the crocodiles, another part of me wished that he was still alive.

That night, I am sure everyone went to bed with a heavy heart. I prayed to all kind of gods that I know to keep him alive, safe and sound. 

The next morning when I opened my eyes, I received a text from Siti.. "His body has been found. But he has left us.."

My heart dropped to the ultimate. Tears started flowing out, I dunno what to do. I lost a friend. Just like that. And I haven even recover from the loss of moffy from last month. Why is all these happening? 

Attended his funeral yesterday. I couldnt control my tears when I saw him being buried. He's only 20, why take him away? 

Ｉ love this photo of him. But I couldnt stop tearing whenever I see it. Razi, I'll definitely miss you. Im glad we met each other in our lives. You are a hero. Now bring strength to Iffah and your family. Always in my heart. 

RIP LCP Muhammad Fahrurrazi Bin Salim

Greatly Missed

Its been awhile. 

Hey moffy, its been awhile since I last saw your cheerful self. But I guess I'll nv see it again anymore. You're gone, to a better and happier place that you couldnt find it here. 

I dont know you for very long, but Im happy you came to my life. From aquaintances to eyecandy to visiting you in the hospital that leads us to good friends in school, I appreciate it all. You were like my brother, making me want to take care of you.

You were the most hardworking in class, you were the friendly one, basically smiling at everyone whom you met. Such a skinny boy like a sheet of paper, I couldnt imagine how fat you were last time. 

June changed everything. We no longer saw that soft smile that you always have on your face, we no longer saw the eagerness in your eyes. And we no longer see you in school anymore. 

You must have felt terrible to want to end your life. I know you'll be a happier and more carefree boy over there, together in reunion with your beloved dad. 

Always in remembrance. I miss you, tattoo boy.